Talez from the Pit of Hot Tea

"A day with Jon Arbuckle"

One day Jay and Jim ran through Oggock and ogres threw dwarf cheeks at them. Then they went to Grobb and rescued Jon Arbuckle from the pit of Rubbish Oscars. They nearly escaped from the pit of Jedi feces, but only to find that Jon Arbuckle had snuck a keg of hot Orc Pawn Tea and poured it down there bellybuttons! He threw Garfield turds in their mouths, and then shoved freezing cold sharpened fudgesicles up their butts. They ran for the aqueducts of Queynos but only to find the Boss Nassmobile sliding though the pee in the pit of the aqueduct. He jumped out and sent his 2 Gungans armed with hot tea and slimy turds. They tackled Jay and Jim and poured hot tea down their bellybuttons and ran of to fall on a hermaphrodite with a block of seagull haircut and only one nostril. They drove off and soured through Joshua Tablet's mouth and rammed hit turds out his butthole only to squeeze a buttholer into Elton Jon, and invited a butt dentist to Jabba Glob version and then Konk Shell version of the butt drill. "Looks like you have a cavity! Let me fill it with Plaster of Paris colored orange. Jay and Jim finally fell to their deaths on the Tower of Pooza, and made it tilted like the jewlytimespiritsofmistandfog. And he who was far away in Janland blew a horn and said "'Poo poo! Does you have asthma?' on his trumpet!" And blew up.

"Buttholer For A Day"


One day Ronald McDonald was doing the laundry when a floating ball of dried feces came up to him and said "Only you can end the pain and suffering of millions of oozy turds all over the WORLD!" Ronald asked the floating ball of dried feces how and the dried feces replied, "go to the circle of onions and talk to the Man of Many Glass Assez." So Ronald McDonald went all the way past the coin factory and the street fag all the way past the rusty condom and the laughing bottle of Vaseline, past the pile of hemorrhoids and hydroids and deltoids and halotoids all the way he went and when he came at last to the circle of onions he let out a big wet fart. "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!! Man of Many Glass Asses! If ye truly be the bloated lorax fag ye be the show yeself lest I pass more poo gas!" He picked up a bottle of Vaseline lying on the ground and wedged it in his bellybutton. There was a groan, and then a moan, and then a huge fag rose up out of the ground. "HAIL TO THEE, YOUNG FAG!" he said in a blubbery and greasy, horrible and wheezy, torrible and terrible, gruesome and unbearable voice. "If ye be atruly grotesque one who wishes to learn the ways of the buttholer, make yourself known to my being!" Ronald McDonald pulled the jar out of his bellybutton and stored it in his butt for later use. "I be that man!" said he. The huge fag of many glass Asses looked down on him with stern fetish. "YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!" he finally said. "YOU WERE ONCE WITH… A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WITH A WOMAN AND FOR THAT YOU MUST BE PUNISHEDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!" he thundered and with that he grabbed Ronald McDonald by the eyebrow and shoved him deep up his chasm. The ends of worms were soon upon him and the stench and the horrible moans of spirits of fags. He was consumed by horror and was never seen again.

"The 5 wishes of Gunganz "

One day Gunganz was really angry because his taxes were due in 54 years. He let out a terrible howl and threw hammers and ringing bells at people on the street. He tore up his drawings of Elton John with a steam-dried block of Bobba Fetish Cheese, and yelled at his poor pet Berkshire "I wish you were CLAMPED!!!!!!" Then, to his surprise, a clothespin just appeared on the rat, and one of his 5 dicks shriveled and fell of into the bottle of hot tea below him. "What ho! I can make me weshez come true! I'll have EVERYTHING my way! And there's not a Goddamn thing you can do about it!" he yelled into a jar of dried figs. Obviously he was a hyperetard. He went into his Feces Study and sat down on the grape juice bean-fag, Er, bean-bag and thought of his next wish. "I've always wanted to have Elton John over for a date! I wish I had Elton John over to my place!" The nasty fag wished. Elton John appeared and he fagged Gunganz. The next day, Gunganz wished that all of the straight people in Britain would turn gay and fag the dead corpse of King George the III. The day after Tuesday, he wished that a terrible scowl would appear in front of everyone's face and scare the living brain out of them. After that he wished for one trillion dollars so he could send dirty sex letters to Alex Trebek. He looked down and saw that all of his dicks were gone, and he wished he would of never made a wish so he could still fag orc pawns. Then a genie in pink came to the door and SCREAMED! In his face saying, "YOUR FUCKING TAXES ARE GODDAMED DUE!! PAY UP WITH ONE OF YOUR DICKS!!!!" Gunganz was terrified! He had lost all of his dicks to those lousy wishes. "Oh Mr. Genie! Please don't make me pay! I don't have any dicks!!" "NO DICKS!? WHY THAT'S A FELONY! NOW YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE! OFFICER! TAKE THIS MEASLY GUNGAN AWAY!" And Officer did. He locked him up in a cage and then launched the cage into a pit of Recycling fluid of Water world. The moral of the story: Don't lose your dicks when a Genie in pink comes to your door or you'll become one with the Recycling Fluid.

"The Curse of the Elway Football"

Once upon a torture time, Paul Bunion chopped down many trees in Christmas Tree Farm. He then went to the Mill of Many Grotesque fags and made sharpened dildos for his blue ox. Every day he shoved dildos up his ox and every day he saw a little gnome run through the forest. Then one day the gnome let out a terrible stench and knocked Paul Bunion out. Then he etched "These are up my butt" on all of Paul's toenails. When Paul came to, he was enraged by the sick message on his toenails. He got so mad, he ran into a crate full of Ogre Mages and shrunk to the size of Jon Arbuckle's cat. He ran towards the Castle of the Winds to find refuge from the Storm of Straightness. Then, out of the bleu, a streak of blue ghosts and chaotic retards ran through his mind. A headache of many calamities raged through his dick! He couldn't stand it! Blue dildos and grotesque spirits encircled him. A chaotic LSD nightmare was upon him! The loud laughing and chanting of spirits of mist and fog! Candles were raging! Psychedelic quadriplegic fags swarm around and poked him with many sharpened pencils with lead Duke Nukem Fags engraved in their heads. Suddenly he heard a noise! "HALT! BE YOU PAUL BUNION?" the nasty grotesqueamus voice said. "YES I BE THE FAG WHO CHOPS DOWN SHARP DILDOS!" He replied in a pansy way. "WELL! I HAVE A VERY OOOOOOHHHHH!!!!! PRESENT FOR YE! HERE! TAKE IT!!! HAHAHAHAHAAH THE HOUR OF THE JACKAL IS UPON YOU! I BE JON ELWAY AND I HAVE COME FOR ----- REVENGE! REVENGE FOR THAT DAY WHEN YOU FILLED MY FOOTBALL WITH STRIAGHTNESS FLUIDS! ALL OF THE FAGS HATED ME! YOU RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ELTON JOHN! NOW YOU PAY! NOW YOU PAY!! SPIRITS OF MIST AND FOG! TERROZE AND FOOTBALLS HARRAS! CHOAS IS YOUR LIFE!!! WHEEZE! SNEEZE! Many foggy fags probed him with probes of gayness. Paul was about to crack from the psychedelic nightmare when a giant fag football hurled towards him exploded him out of the castle and he was never seen again… except one day when Jon Arbuckle was eating feces and a sharpened dildo pierced him and he died. By this time Paul was the size of pen point, but he never shrank again, and he crawled up Jon Arbuckle's butt and made a fire in his dry stomach. He built a log cabin and headed a ranch and lived happily ever after. Jon never decayed because he was so gay nothing ever wanted to touch him so he was perfectly preserved for eternity. THE END OF THE HASHINGS!

"WHERE ARE MY CHAMPION STRAPS?"

One day Christopher Robin decided that his life was to dull and decided to go out in search of adventure. After he fagged a drug dealer and pushed his oozing turd back into place he walked down the road with a cockatoo in his jock cup. When he had walked about an inch or two, he decided that he would like his good friend poo bear to accompany him on his greasy journey. So he grabbed a bar of soap and shoved it up his butthole. A clear inner tube full of witches fell on him so he could use it to go down the river of boiling tea to poo bear's house. As he was nearing poo's house of dehydrated feces, he noticed a stench. "That is odd." He thought. Poo's house usually smelled like dried crap and didn't smell at all like this. This smelled like posies drowning in a scalding cauldron of liquid farts. After he got off his boat and buried the poo he had in his hand, he ran up to poo's house and whipped the door with a slimy thong. "come," said a grimy voice. Christopher Robin eased himself into the gloom. Inside, there was a bar and poo bear was sitting on a stool drinking a martini. He turned around and farted out of his mouth. "Hello, Christopher Robin! So good to see you." He then burped out of his butthole and peed out his eyes. "Oh dear I've been eating to much again." He said in his wheezy voice. "Just one more martini and I'll be with you." He sucked the turds out of the glass and downed the gritty juices. Then he ate the martini glass. He let out a big fart, and his seat broke, and the wooden pole below it slid up his butt. "Oh bother," he grunted. "That's the fifth time this week!" He let out a ghastly fart that cracked the windows and blew the curtains around and launched him off the pole and onto the piano. He then curled up around a fake trophy and began huffing potpourri. "Now, what was it you came here for, besides the box of vaseline. "I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go adventuring with me," said Christopher Robin out of his butthole. "No I'm too busy now, Christopher." Said poo bear. "Perhaps some other time." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screeched Christopher Robin. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CANT BE HAPPENING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAY IT ISNT SOOOOOOOO! I THOUGHT WE WERE - FRIEEENDSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then Christopher Robin pooped his pants and melted into the ground, never to be seen again, except by Elton John of course.

"One Damn Minute, Elton John!"

One day Greasy Von Sleazy was walking down the street in search of Gandhi movies to shove up insectivorous plants. He went to Meuvie Reentils rental store and could only find 1 Gandhi movie. So he decided that Lucky Jake for the Playstation and The Hashling for Dreamcast would suffice. He was just about to check out when he saw a metal gumball and reached down his testical scars to get his lifetime supply of quarters he won at the game show "Who wants to be a legionnaire?" He spent 2254 quarters and finally found the metal gumball and put in his mouth. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT HERTS! IT HERTS!" the vicious fag shouted. He ran to the dentist and had to have 22 root canals with no painkiller except for the only thing they had, Jon Arbuckle's poo gas. He was soon passed out from the hideous gas and then they bolted Wooden Shoes in his mouth for teeth. After that he tripped on a piece of LSD left over from when Joshua Talbet was trying to get hi on an oozy turd. He fell down and broke every dildo shaped bone in his body (And their ALL dildo shaped!) They had to put him in an A-Frame and bolted his sockets together with cheesy rusty screws used to drill out straightness form homosexuals. They had to compact his body to keep it from falling apart. 22 day later when it was all finished, he looked like the Mega Fag. He walked outside and began to crack pecans with his stiff testicals. Yes, his testicals can get an erection. Every part of the Mega Fag can get an erection, including his tongue, of which he had 17. After he did that, he jumped into an urn full of propane and lit a match, trying to get someone to pour Jon Elway's spermicidal fluids on him. After that he began to relish and decay and was never seen again except after he was mad and destroyed the universe.

"You MUSN'T practice!"

One day The Mega Fag (Abbreviated TMF in this story") was gobbling down turds at a hashish rate. Then Arabs burst through the door and curled up on a beanbag and began to shoot cocaine up their pee holes. "How absurd!" TMF said. You could have asked, I would of let the likeness of gayness like you in, you know! But you have drawn the line!!! out! Out! OUT! The Arabs began their stern look and soon sent TMF to a stern fetish. "Oh my love, I shall be gay!" TMF said in a gastly fag voice. He curled around a giant dildo and began to rub his butthole on a hard piece of sandpaper as he shouted rude comments about Elton John's "womanly impotence" out of his earlobe amplifiers he had shoved in his bellybutton. The Arabs left in disgust and let out a giant wet fart from their ears. They huffed one more box of snuff and stamped out the door. A year later, TMF got rather bored and decided to sit on his bidet and turned up the water. He had no toilet so he pooed in the bidet. When he let out an oozy turd the bidet began to swell and it spurted out water, forcing all of the turds back up his butt and out of his mouth. They fell on the neatly arranged stack of pre-used for oral sex condoms he had put there for this occasion. The oozy turd bounced off the condoms and soared through the sky falling on Elton John. "Oh what a glorious day! An oozy turd has fallen from the sky! It is the prophecy of feces! Chaotic fags and oozy feces will consume the world! Alas! Alas! But he was wrong. Elton John was so distracted he fell down an open manhole and dropped to his death. He was engulfed in fire and spirits encircled him and magically turned him to stone and he was never seen again except by John Elway, the ruler of The Deepest Sewer.

"Lost in a Vat of Grape Jeuce"

Pee Wee Herman ran up to the door, brown fluids oozing out of his briefcases. "OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!! THEY'RE… MELTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!" He got down on his dildos and beat the door with his armpits. "LET ME IN!!!! THEY"RE MELTING!!!! " The doorknocker fagged into a anus shaped like an elephant's gland. Pinwheels spun around in a madness as Roxie blacked out. "WHATS THE GODDAMN PASSWORD!" Pee Wee turned as pale as a piece of poo. He had forgotten that his loins changed the password yesterday but forgot to tell him what it was. Pee Wee Herman put his finger in his eye. "I don't know the password! My loins forgot to tell me! It's not MY FAULT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Urine was dripping out of his bellybutton he was so upset. "That won't do, FAG!" said the anus shaped like an elephant's gland. "If you don't know it then you can't come in!! BEGONE before Elton John finds out and crotches your slimy farts!" Pee Wee Herman was about to turn into a crusted piece of cod but then he got an idea. He knew how his loins thought and maybe he could guess the password himself. "WAIT A MINUTE!" he said in his faggest voice. "I know what it is!" The anus stopped defecating and looked at him. "You have three chances to guess it, and then I'll shoot special crack up your toenails that will turn you STRAIGHT!" Pee Wee almost turned into diapers at the thought. "It's laughing gas isn't it?" "NO" Pee Wee farted and looked behind over his shoulder in case thieves tried to pickpocket his butthole. "dickfetishinabottleofpooarghargharghmatey?" "NO!!" Pee Wee groaned and checked his butthole for a sign. While he was searching he found a piece of paper sitting in the corner. "Hello! I don't remember seeing YOU here before!" He picked up the letter and read it. "WELL!" he said and walked back outside. "You have one last chance," said the anus. "The password is swordfish!" "Very good" the anus said, and the door swung open and bats shaped like turds flew out. He dashed inside his playhouse and shot a laser out of his peehole to zap open the locks on his briefcases. Then he looked down at what was inside. "OH MY GOD THEY ARE RUINED!" Large farts started blasting out of tubas all over the place and the whole playhouse started to sink into the feces. "NOOOOOOOOOO! RUINED! AWFUL FAGS! SAVE ME FROM A FATE WORSE THAN CONSUMING A JEDI LORD!" there was no response and the ground started to rumble in agony. " OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tentacles grabbed Pee Wee's legs and drug him into the oozy turds. He let out one last desperate fart and was never seen again.

"What would you like to fag today?"

One day Dildo Faggins was checking his hobbit-butthole for cracks so the horrible Rain of Straightness that happened every day Elton John didn't fag someone so it wouldn't leak all over his perfectly preserved antique condom and rust it. "Oh no. A crack. What shall I do. I shall fill it with Bugs Bunny Lost in Time CDs and that shall clog it up. Oh Boy. Oh. Boy. "HALT!" A powerful kick landed on Dildo's head. It was El Fag, the most grotesque, obscene, explosive, stern, flaming, closet fag this side of the River of Orc Pawns. "What did you do dat for." Dildo said in his monotone voice. "I want your CONDOM! CONDOM SHALL BE MINE?" El Fag shouted out as his chest hairs assumed the position that looked like a Machamp tattoo on his eyebrow. "Mmmmmmmmmmmacho I am! I shall creek and scag you! Dildo glared and all of the sudden El Fag was writhing in agony. "AHH!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! MY DICK! IT IS FALLING! MY LIFETIME ERECTION! THE PILL DIDN'T WARN ME! AAAH-" and with that a Burst of Straightness convulsed through him and many scars of fags were slashing him in a red halo surrounding him. "That will teach you. My onions will deal with you now." Dildo said as he walked into his house, with the door that looked like a butthole. In fact, it was a butthole he stole from a Hill Giant Fag. A large onion with a rapier rose out of the ground. "I keel you!" A glinting fag shot out of his rapier and the pounding sound of many fags shouting "We love tool time! Give us Elton John or give us pizza-shaped butt holes!” The spirit of Tim Allen incased in a fag membrane exploded against El Fag's chest. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHFDDDDFFAG!YOUCAN'TDODIS!HOWDAREYOU!ISAYOLCHAPIAMELFAGANDICAN'TBEBEAT!" But it was to late. Chaotic consumption and oozy turds with yellow dicks were creating triangle fag shaped explosions all around El Fag. Oozy Wirms dragged him down to the Center of the Earth and decapitated him for all Fire Fags to see. His sprit later possessed the normally straight Jon Arbuckle and turned him fag.

"Urinals are my specialty!"

One day John Wayne was walking beside a stagecoach when he heard screeching. He turned around and saw Hanson being chased by a straight person. "whutisup" John Wayne said. "He's trying to touch us! We can't be touched by non-gay things or we'll turn into molten poo!" "wellicandosomethingaboutthat." Wayne said. He pulled out a shotgun and put it up to his butt. "ohohohtheslugsaretravelingupmybutohoh." Wayne said faggly. Hanson didn't know what to do. They jumped in a ditch and began to hurl catheter bags at each other, and the pee splattered on their bellybuttons. The straight person tripped on the pile of clashing gongs and fell in a mosh pit. "Ah ha we have you now!" Hanson
aid. They began to strip and started farting in unison. "You will be forced to listen to our new song! It's called Muzak to make love to Elton John buy!" the vicious hideous weirdoes shouted. Then a powerful kick landed on the straight person. It was Le Queer, the most flaming, retard, jock hemorrhoids fag this side of the Eiffel Dildo. "That will teach you. Now lets get busy. They peed out of their toes into jock cups and strapped them to their mouths. A bubble of dried feces encircled them and John Wayne came up. "whatyouboysdoin?" They turned around in a rage because he interrupted them. A red glare came out of their butts and Wayne was punctured by many essences of Arbuckle fags. When he came to he was strapped to the ground by leather gongs and a large hypodermic needle was coming towards his head. "This will turn you straight- a fate worse than death for the likes of you." The vicious fags shouted. Le Queer was dancing naked to Elton John's Orc Pawn Boogie. Then a large crash happened. Giant gongs started falling out of the sky. Poles stuck out of the ground and up butts they went. A giant fag rose from the volcano that had just formed and a curse was laid. 225488111 years later Arbuckle's cat started to turn queer. It was the curse. Le Queer's spirit was entering him. A giant fagness spread through the land. Corrupt condom-indiums were happening. People started getting happin' hair. Finally the curse was done. Giant disco balls entered the sky and a plague of fagness spread through the universe. This is how the universe will end and there's not a Goddamn thing you can do about it!

Gimme Some Lovin', King Dolphin!

Not too many years ago all Joshua Talbet lived in was a measly cottage-house-dwelling-dungeon-jail made of molten farts. One day the duke of penis envy decided to give him his mansion because he couldn’t stand the hauntings that were going on in it anymore. "Here is the key, now get the fuck out of my new condom-inium; just LET ME LIVE MY LIFE damn you!! Why do you have to SUFFOCATE ME?! Do I tell you how to run YOUR life?!!? Answer me FUCK YOU, you slimy fag! I would rather have sex with a fucking pokémon than live with a tyrant like you another fucking goddamn day! I just cant TAKE IT anymore get out, out! OUT!!" he skreamed into Josh's ear and oozed a rusty object out of his butthole and shoved it up Joshua's nostrils so that he passed away from the stench and his butthole was sunburned for a while after that. After he recovered he blasted off on his rocket-powered skateboard to the duke of penis envy's mansion, not forgetting to stop by at the drugstore to buy drugs and hot pokers to shove up his friends' butts. You see, his friends Snufalufagus, Landrial, and Buttsbunny were also poor and they were coming to live with him in the huge mansion. When he got to the mansion he heard moans and thought he felt fags breathing down his neck. He shuddered and unlocked the gate with his dick. CrEEEEEEEEEEkkkkk it went and swung open. He could see two other cars parked next to his: one was the color of feces and had a foxtail on the antenna and the glass had fag drawings etched in it and it smelled like rotting onions; the other was covered in brown fuzz and sported tires shaped like Elton John's head. Snufalufagus and Buttsbunny must be here. Landrial was probably here too since one of them probably picked her up in their car since she was too poor to own one. He walked up to the huge doors with huge Duke Nukem heads engraved in them that seemed to glare at his crotch no matter where he was, and he biffed the door open with farts. He stepped inside and saw a huge painting of a rude dildo on the massive high ceiling. Snufalufagus and Buttsbunny were on a large couch sharing a payday. Landrial was picking warts off her oozying anus and stashing them in a bag for the poo soup she was going to cook tonight. "HEYYYY THERE OLD MAN!" said Snufalufagus in a voice that sounded like onions decaying. A piece of lard shot out of the piano and hit him hard in the eye. 'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" said Snufalufagus and his eye was oozing grape juice. Buttsbunny called the ambulance and he had to be rushed to he hospital. Now just Buttsbunny landrail and Joshua were left. "Oh well I won't be seeing HIS ass for a while now" said Buttsbunny as he sipped a martini and filed his nails. He sighed his fag sigh and began to finger himself with the toothpick with the olive on it in his martini glass. "Oooooohhh man" he groaned and flashed his penis at everybody. Suddenly, a huge stone head with a jerk carved on it swung out of the fireplace and crushed Buttsbunny. Grape juice went everywhere. "Oh my" said Joshua. Landrial was all worked up and decided to go to her room to sleep because it was almost midnight. She went down the dark echo-y hallway and she could almost swear the creepy statues in the hall were creeping out to fag her with the horrible things in their hands but as soon as she looked again they were back to normal but with an eerie smile on their stone faces. She shuddered and went in her room and bolted the door, only to turn around and see a horrible fag with sharp dildos in his hands right in front of her! She passed out from his awful breath and he fagged her to death while wooden figures in the room started shrieking and chanting fag chants.
Joshua was growing uneasy. Everything about this mansion made his penis crawl. He even thought he could hear someone screaming in some remote corner of the house. He shuddered and looked at the clock. Midnight! He heard almost a laughing noise somewhere down the hall and then he heard a ghastly breeze blowing outside, and then he heard thunder but when he looked out the window he saw no lightning. He turned his head from the window only to find a horrible fag with sharpened bloody dildos in bed with him!!! Spirits began to encircle him and chant their chants of gayness as he began to pass out. The fag breathed one last Halatoid breath and he lost consciousness and then he fagged him to death and raped him in the eyeballs. The fag then went to the bathroom to wash his dildos and sat down to play video poker, ready to fag anyone with his dildos who dares enter his house of poo and pee.
THE END


"Laughing Gas today melord!"

One day Ra the Sun God decided that he wanted a simpler life than his glory and fame of a God. He went down to Staleland to find a simple peasant to swap bodies with. He found Hashateria smoking some weed on his porch and decided to trade. "Oh great one who gobbles up turds and brings us fags, yes, I DO want to be you, oh great one of many Capstones!" So Ra yelled and the world collapsed then popped up again and they were in each other's underwear. "Good. Were in our nice bodies now. Time to lead a simple life." What he didn't know was that Hashateria was really the God O'Faggly and was now the Sun God. O'Faggly hated Ra but now he could destroy him with his new power. "First I will shine brightly in his eyes!" A beam of light flashed towards Ra, but Ra saw a poo pie on the ground and bent over. "This pie isn't done. Time to cook it with some sunlig-" The beam of light went up his butt and out of his mouth and cooked the pie. "Well that's nice. A tasty poo pie for me. Now to eat it!" He then noticed he had no knife to cut it." O'Faggly looked down on Staleland furiously and decided he would do something else. He heated up a pile of steel to make a cannonball to hurl at Ra, but it made a knife instead. "Oh! A nice knife over there for me! How I love this simple life!" He reached down for the knife and shoved a capstone up his butt. O'Faggly was even more mad now because he was foiled again. He decided once and for all how he could get rid of Ra. He shot a laser at a pyramid and knocked a capstone down, about to roll right on top of Ra. But he didn't know that the capstone was hollow and had no bottom. It fell perfectly on Ra. "Oh what's this? Well I can just make a spare bedroom out of it! What glee! What glee!" O'Faggly was devastated. He then focused all of his energy at Ra. But Ra noticed a hair was not right and picked up a mirror to fix it. The energy reflected on the mirror and went back to O'Faggly. O'Faggly was consumed by his own chaos and in one final fart he destroyed Staleland, only to figure out at the last second that Ra had moved to Jonasland. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FAG RA!!!! SOMEDAY MY BROTHER O'RECTOM WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!" And with that the vicious fag screeched and was never seen again.

"Hello, I am the Giver and I give you feces!"

One fine day Jonas was farting up the air in Elsewhere. A gracious faggly stench consumed his mind as he daydreamed of the Giver and him having fuzzy dildos in their mouths. Then the Giver showed up. "Hello, I am the Giver, and I give you feces!" the vicious fag said out of his butt as he shoved a Soundo'LE condom on his dick and started to strip. He put his hands on Jonas's butt and transerfered the memory of gayness. Then RECTOM agents came up and started launching Honk Kong Buttholers at them. "Duck for cover, and I will duck your butthole!" the Giver yelled in his esophagus. They began to pee out of their nostrils and tentacles stared emerging from thy cysts they had on their corrosive liver. After the RECTOM agents were gone they saw some snow and began to fart in it making gay patterns. They then went to their homes and began to pee on their bed sheets and fagged an orc peon. They strapped champion straps to their Asses and started to fart some more. Then a ghast and an ass and a dick of glass changing into a gong began to form out of the wall. They looked again and saw nothing. "Must the wind were breaking!" Jonas said in his very own Jock-Kup attitude. Then a KKK fag shoved his pointy hat up the Giver and poured fine wine on his penis and ran out. "Strange things have been happening around my private parts, er, I mean these parts." The Giver said as he burped out of his toenails and farted out of his ears only to shrivel the carpet and melt their fine martini glasses. Jonas was getting bored and shoved Bendy Bunnies up his butt and started to fag penguins that periodically farted in unison. Then a giant Poke Ball farted and hit the Giver in the pants and opened, only to find a Machamp shoving his fist up Jonas. After Machamp fagged Jonas he put his butt on the Giver's face and stared to yell. "DON'T WORRY GIVER! I WILL SAVE YOU! I WILL GIVE YOU BUTT-TO-MOUTH RESSUCITAION!" the Giver couldn't breathe and Machamp started farting. The Giver started to breathe in gastly farts from Machamp and eventually passed out. Jonas was on the other side room still learning French Fags from the fagging. Machamp then let out one big wet fart in the Giver and hashed through the ceiling. "Well, that was odd, I wouldn't be surprised if a giant rhinoceros came up and shoved his horn up my pee-hole. And it happened. Then Jonas said he wouldn't be surprised if a ghastly fag entered the room and started defecating on their priceless collection of Orange Dildos and Porcelain Turds. And it happened. Then they both said they wouldn't be surprised if a drug dealer dealt them a game of Strip Poker, but instead dealt them some crack spoons to shove up Elton John. And it happened. Finally they farted and yelled out they couldn't stand the strange happening hairs around here and fell into their diary. Then a hobbit came into the room and shouted "My dear and most beloved faggots! Why are you hiding in a diary? Come out and I shall let you fag this unconscious gnome! I found him when I was pouring on the poo sauce to make my pasta get lost!" The two fags cam out, but then the gnome came to and ran out of the teahouse screaming "Man I'm gettin' out of here!" All three of them collapsed in agony as they turned into blue dust. Over time they rotted into the floor and energies of feces surrounded the house along with screamings of fags and the entire teahouse and everything in it was never seen again.

Get Out Of My Closet, Damn You!

One day Winthrop was fagging himself to death with a piece of squash when the landlord came to him and said he had to pay the rent to his drag bar. Winthrop farted violently and explained that he had no money but he was about to get enough to pay it the very next day. "HOW DARE YOU! YOU MUST PAY!!!!!!!! ArrrrrrrrGGGHHHH!" said the landlord and he tackled Winthrop and bit his bald head. Then he chomped his dick until it bled and stabbed him with an awful knife that had Duke Nukem heads engraved on he hilt. He was about to force a poo pill down Winthrop's throat when a powerful kick landed on his head. It was The Man With No Arms, the most horrible, aging, losoid, groping, grimy fag this side of the giant testical. "That will teach you! Now you pay the price!" TMWNA's eyes began to dart around at the speed of light and a magical turd flew out of his nostril and went in the landlord's mouth. "Ha ha ha the curse of The Mega Fag has been laid the hour of boiling poo will soon be upon you!" TMWNA farted and disappeared in a grotesque rage of poo and pee. "What the hell was that?" Said the landlord. "Oh well its not everyday a fag kicks you in the head and oozes a turd in your mouth! As for you, Winthrop, I'm going to torture you until you confess how many orc pawns you were with last night!!" He began to cast a spell that flung poo in every direction and Winthrop knew he was done for. But all of the sudden the landlord doubled over in pain. "OOAHHHHHHHHHHH!" He groaned as a catheter bag eased out of his peehole and fell to the ground, only to burst and cover him with horrible worms that slithered back up his peehole and gnawed at his intestoids. He shouted for help as worms burst out of his chest and his eyes glazed over. His kidneys turned into oozy turds!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH" he gloomed as they squirmed into his brain and his flesh turned to poo. He collapsed on a bearskin rug and began to decay. But then, a fag aura came around him in a desperate attempt to save his life. He slowly began to heal and his eyes turned normal and his kidneys were no longer poo. But then a splintery wooden dildo jutted up from the floor and impaled him and that was the end of him.

"When will you leave my vibrator alone?"

One day Gothwer was plucking butt hairs and farting out gongs when Hashateria came up and mooned him. "What gayness is this?" Gothwer said as he oozed a turd and fagged several rectums at once. "It means I want you to fag me!" Hashateria said as he jumped high on a barbell and had it slide up his butt. "But I would not allow it. I only fag orc pawns now get out of my treehouse!" And with that he farted one last wet fart and put a conk shell up Hashateria's anus, then blasted a burp out of his penis that shot Hashateria out of his treehouse and then slammed the door. "Fine! I won't let you fag me! I don't want to be in your fucking creepy treehouse with lion heads on the wall that periodically fart in unison and mysteriously suck a penis but when you turn around their sucking a fag's anus shaped like a ultrafag's gland!" Gothwer was outraged and shot a poo ball out of his window that oozed up Hashateria's nostril and then poles stuck up out of the ground and up butts they went. "Damn you you fag of feces I'm going to get you!" And with that several witches flew out of his butt and he farted out of his pores and peed out of his anus shaped like a slinky fag's gland. He went to go find a friend and found a fag High Elf shoving fog and arched penises up his ass. "Hail to the young fag! If you want to learn the ways of the Fag, er I mean Krag Hatchling, let me shove this state document up your butt!" the gargantuan ribcaged fag said as he oozed feces out of his toenails and farted out of his nose only to make pylons collapse and break a few Crude Steins with Little Richard fags engraved on them in a very fag way. "I want to assassinate Gothwer because he wouldn't fag me!" the horrible fag said as he burped out of his zits and farted out of his mouth. "Okay, but fist you must promise me that you won't touch my golden penis hairs for if you do it shall be chaos and I will dry up the Ocean of Vaseline that you love to swim in and fag Aqua Goblins in." And with that the hideous fag farted out of his fingernails and peed out of his eyelids, only to cry out of his penis and shrivel the grass and rot trees. I cannot emphasize how much this phrase means: DON'T TOUCH THE GOLDEN PENIS HAIRS! I'M WARNING YOU! DON'T!!! "Whatever, now lets go get a nasty fag!" They reached the treehouse and began to fire water arrows at it. "It's melting! OH MY GOD I CAN'T DIE! AND IF I DO I'LL GO TO THE PLANE OF TOES WHERE I CAN'T TICKLE ORC PAWNS ANUSES AND BECOME AN ELEPHANT'S GLAND! OH WHY DIDN'T I ACCEPT EJ INTO MY LIFE SO I COULD BE SAVED AND GO TO THE FAG PLANE OF DJS'"!? Gothwer shot out a beam of frost that blew of the High Elf's arm. "DAMMIT NOW YOU DIE!" The High Elf began to fart and started to glow with gay energy, as halos of red light encircled him as he prepared to summon an arcane fag. Just then Hashateria accidentally fell over trying to cast FaggotBall spell, and accidentally touched the Goldén Penis Hair. "OH NO! YOU FAG! ARRGGGHHH!!!!" The high elf shouted. A ghastly fog surrounded the area and penises fell of and people started farting and volcanoes erupted. Coknobblers ruled the world and giant turds walked the Earth. In a thousand jedi years fag energies engulfed the universe all because of Hashateria's need to jack-off. Gayness was upon the universe and everything dissolved into golden dust and only the screams of gay spirits and ghostly fags could be known throughout eternity. The chants of "master is a fag who lays his hand upon the gland! Master is a man of many Asses!" could be heard anywhere. Eventually the universe was nothing but a void of grape juice and all that could be seen was wisps of gay essence.

"Canker Sores up your anus are a sight to see!"

Kyle Katarn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, And Qui-Gon Jinn were roasting a fag alive when their phone rang. "I'll get it!" Kyle shouted into a box of dried testicals and used the force to pull the phone up his butt. "Hello? The Gayness Residence, how may I fag you, you mufucker?" His butt said. "EVER HEARD OF THE LEGEND OF THE GHOSTLY FAG?" A fag said. "HELL NO SO GET OUT OF MY TELEPHONE LINE! ELTON JOHN COULD CALL ANY MINUTE!" "BUT WAIT!" the puffy gay voice said. "GO IN FAGNESS FOREST AND FIND THE OLD DUMLACK SHACK AND LOOK INSIDE! HAHAHAHAAH!" click. Kyle farted out of his ears and put the phone down. "What was it?" Obi-Wan said braiding Qui-Gon's hair and licking his eyelashes. "Some jackass called saying we aught to go and se the so-called Ghostly Fag!" "Looks like we've stumbled upon another mystery. Go get Scooby-Doo out of the wine cellar. And don't trip on his cigar collection. He even has one that was up Jonas's asshole." And with that Qui-Gon farted out of his mouth and a piece of suit exploded out of his pee-hole. After they got Scooby the four fags walked down their road past the giant burning testical, the horrible silver spoon, past the giant ball of estrogen, past the trees of Hill Giant Dildos, and finally past the giant boom box playing Orc Pawn Boogie. After they reached Fagness Forest, Scooby licked his ass, Qui-Gon farted out of his catheter bag, Obi-Wan shoved a worm up his ass, and Kyle oozed a turd in his mouth shouting, "ugh unghia ughia fags under. Must fag… Elton john… Must be new DJ of EJ… hahaha…" Then they all fagged Ricky Ricardo. They pushed a Sassenach up their ass and crapped their pants in each other's dicks. They entered Fagness Forest and stumbled past a thorny barrier, while a tentacle raped Kyle. Then they found a horrible lake where a root swam around and shot giant cathiter bags full of crystal meth at them, only to light the Glade of Marijuana on fire. After that they picnicked on a sunny hill and ground their penises into pulp like the crap in Alberto's Enchiladas, they soon found the Legionnaire camp and fagged all of the Orcs to death. Finally they found the Old Dumlack Shack. They all cried out of their butts and harassed a turtle until it clamped their penises, while Scooby shoved his tail up his own buttocks. They found an orc pawn pick and a slumberous fag shovel. They soon saw a mine and went down it. Suddenly Qui-Gon tripped and lost his flashlight. "Dammit. Not only can't we see now, but also we lost our only dildo in here. This sucks!" Then a flare of light passed by and the entire cave lit up. A ghostly fag entered the cave. He was horrible and had no face it appeared and was covered in a black cloak with a hood. In his hand he has a pick and his robe had fag drawings in red on it. "Now we see who you REALY are!" Kyle shouted and pulled of the mask. Under it was a horrible face that had rotten flesh and cataract-ish eyes. Bone paraded from its face and every now and then you could see a worm crawling around under its skin. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? I TRY TO BE NORMAL BUT YE FAGS COME IN AND YE IS MAD! NOW DIE I SHALL FOCUS YEE MAJIK ON YOUR FORSKIN!!" And with that the vicious fag blasted a horrid gust of farts out of his anus that launched the fruits to the other side of the cave, except for Scooby, he tripped on a ivory condom and fell on the floor. Then in anger and a rage of stern fetishes, the undead Barbarian shoved his fist, along with his forearm up Scooby's butt. Horrible fag energies flew out of Scooby's anus, mouth, ears, and nose. Scooby began to shake and then exploded in a bloody mess of gore and feces. When the smoke cleared, the fag was covered in blood and his fist had a ribcage and a few organs oozing from it. Blood and purple Scooby-Doo semen was seeping all over his fist. Then he pulled out his pick and crashed it against Qui-Gon's butt, going up his butthole and out of his back. Then he bit of Qui-Gon's eyebrows and kicked his head open, threw a grenade down his esophagus, and ran off. Qui-Gon exploded, and organs and feces and horrible Vaseline flew everywhere. A moldy dildo hit Kyle in the head, for it had been up Qui-Gon for some time now. Then Obi-Wan and Kyle started to run for the exit. When they came out, a spring of gayness shot them into the shack. The fag blasted out the ancient dusty freezer lying on the floor and forced Obi-Wan on his ramshackle bed. He fagged him and then pushed a sparkler up Obi-Wan's pee-hole. Hot metal and tongs flew all over Obi-Wan as his anus melted. Then the fag welded Obi-Wan's mouth together after he put a snake firecracker in Ben's mouth. Obi-Wan suffocated and then the snake ashes began to ooze out of his cavities such as his nose and ears. The fag whipped around and a rush of horrible moans and spirits of DJs' coming from his pee-hole blasted Kyle away. He bounced of a pile of rubbery ooze as the vicious fag chased after him with a shovel. The fag shot a beam of teeth at the ground, impaling Kyle and then kicked him down. Kyle got up and then the vicious fag shot a beam of horrible nails down his throat. Then the fag started to spin at a hashish rate; finally his shovel crashed against Kyle's head and exploded it. The decapitated corpse fell to the ground, a mess of slushy gore, feces, and grape juice oozed out of his neck. The fag tossed all of the corpses to the Anus, and went back to his shack. He pored a cup of tea, tranquilized his penis, crawled up an orc pawn's cavity in search of copies of Quake II, evaporated his glacier butthole into a pile of horrible masks, and sat down in front of his fireplace to read his favorite book: Talez from the Pit of Hot Tea. THE END OF THE HASHINGS!

The Prince And The Poo Pie

One fine day Gorian was licking his ivory dildo when there was a rap at the door. He got on his magic sword and blasted off to the front gate while he consumed jedi lords. At last he got to the door and stuck the doorknob up his butt and sang a little song about smiling olives pasted to condoms with poo. He opened the door and a fag came in and raped his statue of Elton John. "GOOD TO SEE YOU PARTNER!" he said as he shook Gorian's hand until it burst and grape juice oozed out of the fingernails. He farted in his face and forced a turd back up his butt. He then tore down the curtains and transformed them into rubber sheets with spells of gayness. He pulled Gorian down to the floor and started making love to his warts. "Oh stop that dude you are messing up my makeup" Gorian said as something slimy eased up his ear. "Never!" said the fag. He suddenly felt fried chicken up his butt! His glands were bursting! His asshole was raging! His bellybutton was having an orgazmo! His own fingers were molesting him! It was out of control! Condoms were upon him! A rock solid dick crawled in his mouth and started to pulse! He felt like many crude fags were tickling his testicles! The ooze! The ooze! Gorian had never been so insulted except for the time when he spent the night with Gothwer… But enough was too much! He made a terrible scowl and the fag shot up and crushed against the ceiling in agony. Then Gorian shot a column of water out of his hands and it diced the fag as a sphere of grotesque liquids consumed him. He threw shurikans out of his hand that stung the fag in his groin as they fagged against his flesh. Then he focused his hands into the shape of a triangle and a gigantic oozy turd smashed into the fag with an awesome force. Then he sliced his foreskin with a wave of energy and summoned a sharp dildo and hurled it with all his might up the fag's peehole. "AHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" the fag screamed as his body turned into water and then detonated in a horrible rage. Gorian collapsed on the ground because he was so exhausted and could only manage to poke his penis with pins but that was good enough for him because that awful fag was finally gone. Then he heard a voice in his ear that soon became a wicked howl that blew his house down and put out all the lights on earth. "HOW DARE YOU KILL MY SON!" roared Tethtoril as he shot down out of the sky and hit Gorian in the crotch with his knee. The greasy fag moaned as he expanded to the size of a star and detonated, but all the gas from his body spread all across the cosmos and the whole universe became like Elton John always wanted it to be. The End


Give Me My Slippers, Winslow!

One day Winslow was rubbing essence of vasty fag all over his penis pustules when a spear shaped dildo slid up his butthole. "What ho!" he shouted. He turned around and saw a talsoi with a bottle of vaseline in his hand. He eased his spear so far up that it came out of Winslow's mouth and then he pulled it back out but it was so barbed that all his intestoids came out his butthole, along with his lucky gold watch that was stuck way back in his anus many moons ago. "I say, old man!" Winslow said as he stuffed his intestoids back up his ass and snatched the rusty watch from the talsoi. "What you need is a lesson!" and with that Winslow poked the talsoi in the eye with his horrible fat fingers. "Oooooooooww damn you! I’m going to teach YOU a lesson!" And with that the talsoi turned on a boom box and started French kissing Winslow's ass, cutting the inside of his cavity with his razor sharp tongue protector. Winslow grunted as he sucked turds out of his butthole and then spat out his gold teeth caps so violently and far that they wound up in Winslow's mouth where they bolted to his own teeth and started injecting horrifying toxins into him until his glands groaned in agony and his gizzard farted. Then the horrible talsoi spun Winslow around and threw him on a table where he fagged him until his anus was red and numb from the poisons that came out of the fag's penis. Then he spat in Winslow's eyes and Winslow moaned in agony as his eyes turned into horrible lifeless marbles. Then the talsoi chanted a chant and fag energies came out of his fingers that cut Winslow's face and neck and slashed his butthole and stung his groin. Then the fag rose up and started talking to the stars and they shot down awful rays of poo and feces that surrounded Winslow in a grotesque aura and turned his muscles into oozy turds. Then the fag took out his purse and forced evil pills down Winslow's throat. Winslow's penis shriveled and then he detonated in a fag fury. Then the talsoi huffed concentrated farts and the moon came down out of the sky and went up his butt. The End