BREAKING:

Scientists solve mystery of where all those "Christian trad wives" suddenly came from:

"It was one of the great mysteries of our time: suddenly the internet was full of these trad wives! Nobody knew where they had come from. So we analyzed the data and suddenly the answer was staring us right in the face: these women hadn't appeared out of nowhere. Almost all of them had until recently sold pictures of their buttholes online, but then they hit the wall and desperately needed a new grift and a new personality that could be used to find a sucker who would still marry them. As one of them bluntly put it: 'Nobody wants an aging slut. At some point you gotta reinvent yourself or you'll end up having to work.'"