BREAKING:

Conservatives shocked to find out that college kids are naive, deluded, retarded and full of themselves.

"This is outrageous. I thought colleges were places of intelligence and learning. These kids are having all kinds of progressive ideas! Some say there is sexual activity."

To the question whether or not they would send their children to college anyway after what they have learned, they answered:

"Absolutely. But only after writing a stern letter expressing my discontent to the principal. What was her name again? Mrs. Gay, I believe. She will be shocked to find out what's happening here."